Este artículo está en ingles, y ahorita no tengo tiempo de traducirlo así que se la pelan. supongo que es una autocritica y critica a todos esos posers que somos yo y todos mis amigos.
If you share my love of... Wait, I just realized I don't love anything. Okay, if you share my interest in... All right, so I'm not interested in anything either. Damn it. My apathy and indifference make it virtually impossible to write about anything. If it weren't for my vast reserves of irrational anger I'd never get anything done.
Anyway, the topic I was so clumsily attempting to address is that American Idol runner-up, Adam Lambert, came out of the closet in a recent interview. Not only did he admit to being gay, he said he was proud of his sexuality. This struck me as odd, since being gay is more of a natural inclination than an accomplishment. To say you're proud of getting a boner when you see a dude's anus is like saying you're proud of getting hungry when you see a turkey leg.
I always understood pride to be a feeling of self-worth you attain after achieving a worthwhile goal, not deluding yourself into thinking every detail of your life is worthy of praise. That is where I've been wrong. Why do anything if you can feel just as good about yourself because you have elbows? As a wise man once said: Why stand when you can lay on the couch and get stoned? Here are some things we can all be proud of without going to all the trouble of "accomplishment."
Tastes - The books, movies and music you enjoy are not just stuff you like; they are a badge of honor. But don't use your tastes to broaden your mind or inspire your own creativity, just refer to them in situations where they allow you to condescend to friends or co-workers. Example: "You like Led Zeppelin? [Name of band that has sold 100 albums] is much better." Because hearing of a thing is just as impressive as creating it.
Religion - For following a book that says "pride comes before the fall," Christians seem awfully proud of being Christian. Which isn't bad, I'm just surprised they got it right where their book got it wrong. But people of all faiths advertise pride in their faith. Whether they're shoving pamphlets in my face or blowing up buildings, people love to show their "Team God" spirit. I've never been bothered by someone on behalf of atheism or agnosticism. Where's the pride, man? I'd rather have pride and kill a bunch of people than have no pride and live in peace the rest of my life.
Children's accomplishments - I'm fudging here because something is being done, but it requires no effort on your part. Just sit back and bask in the second-hand glory as your offspring does all the work. And don't be one of those smothering mothers or brow-beating fathers who force themselves to think they've done something. Your kid got that A+. All you did is hit an egg with a sperm - something every mule deer and rat on the planet can do. Just take credit knowing full well you don't deserve it. Consequently, if they fuck up it's all on them.
Political affiliation - All politicians accomplish little more than a series of fuck-ups, but it's important for you to pick a side so you can take pride in all the things they say they stand for. Whether the back of your car says "Obama" or "McCain," you can boast that you support all those pretty adjectives and nouns they were both shouting eight months ago. Go elephant or donkey!
Purchases - In this day and age, it's unlikely your job is difficult or meaningful. But when you get right down to it, your occupation is your only worthwhile contribution to society. This is irrelevant to pride. What matters is the stuff you buy with that paycheck. Have you ever seen a rich person describe their new house? They practically glow with pride. And why not? It's not just anyone who can sleep in a house they didn't design or construct. Whether you're buying a great car you didn't design or a beautiful table you didn't build, giving someone money for a thing is just as impressive as making it yourself.
Nationality - The granddaddy of them all. Above all else, you should feel proud of where you plopped out of a vagina. You ever notice how no Americans have Icelandic pride and no Italians have Iraqi pride? That's because national pride isn't about which country is best or which government best represents your beliefs. It's about you. Your mom shit you out of her twat in THIS country. And even though this occurred without your consent or knowledge, wave that flag like it means everything in the world. Because what you're really saying is that YOU mean everything in the world.
In conclusion, when it comes to your emotions, there's no middle ground. You can't just "be" gay or "be" American. You have to feel one extreme or the other about everything in the world. Either feel pride or feel shame; love something or hate it. Just like you hated this article.
